I wrote a post in 2011 about my struggle with insomnia. It's been an ongoing battle for my entire life. Last year, after going through some very challenging times in my life, my doctor suggested I try sleeping tablets so that I could at least make it to work- I was so stressed and upset that I was running on about 1 or 2 hours sleep- if that- a night, losing weight, and just not feeling good. I reluctantly agreed, after always saying I didn't want to take that path...and was instantly converted. I was only taking the tablets a couple of nights a week, generally before a work day, and knowing that I was going to be able to go to bed and sleep straight through for the entire night until my alarm went off was a wonderful thing. The only side effect I suffered was that the fact that my dreams tended to centre around pirates on these nights. Strange.
Fast forward to falling pregnant, and of course I had to stop taking the tablets. It was a non-decision- I simply wasn't going to take anything that might harm my baby. I didn't suffer any withdrawal symptoms, but my insomnia returned, of course. Coupled with that well-known phenomena, pregnancy insomnia. Some nights are fine...others I will still be wide awake at 3am.
I wrote before about insomnia being lonely. The loneliness of being the only one awake in the house, and feeling like you are the only one awake in the world. Things are a little different this time around, however. I have company.
My little boy seems to be just as much as a night owl as I am (please, please don't let this continue after he is born!) and I find it comforting to feel him kick, wriggle and dance when I am lying on the couch reading after being unable to fall asleep in bed. I will often talk to him or stroke the bits of him that sometimes protrude from my bump. I love it when he answers by prodding my hand or wriggling even more. It makes a difference to me knowing that someone is awake with me and keeping me company. I can't wait to hold him in my arms. I just hope he doesn't continue his nightly playtimes after he arrives!