Sunday, April 7, 2013

Thrown Off Course

To everyone who has been reading my blog, both new and old readers- thank you for reading, and I apologise for the silence this past week. I feel a bit off course at the moment. I am coming up on 17 nights of insomnia (by which I mean still being awake past 2 or 3 am, and only getting an hour or two of sleep on the worst nights) and it is taking a toll. Those who read my blog will know I have suffered from insomnia for my entire life but it has never been this bad before. I am frustrated and a little more exhausted each day. Someone commented "Yeah but you're on leave now- does it matter that you aren't getting much sleep? Can't you just nap?" This wasn't really helpful. There are children in the house who are early risers and need to be taken to school, appointments to be kept, children to be picked up from school, etc, and the knowledge that if I give in to an afternoon nap (why, why oh why is it so much easier for me to sleep during the day???) I will make it harder for myself to sleep come night time. 

I am finding it a bit of a struggle at the moment. Each night I think I will surely sleep as I am so exhausted...but it won't happen. 

To make things harder, my Grandpa Jeffrey passed away early this morning after spending the last three days in a coma, and it has hit me fairly hard. I have now lost both my grandfathers and it makes me sad that neither of them will be around to become a great-grandfather. I have many fond memories of Grandpa Jeffrey to hold onto and am planning on writing about him soon. I don't think I can say much more about it all yet. It's still too raw.

I planned to just write a sentence or two to explain my silence but once I started to type, it just came out. Writing has always been therapeutic for me and I do enjoy my little blog and hate neglecting it. I am hanging in there. Sleep will come...and then disappear for a while once my little man arrives, but that is a journey I am looking forwards to.

Stay well, everyone, and I will return with happier entries soon. And hopefully I will feel as relaxed and rested as Faye clearly does. 


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